I think the best flirt tip before we start (yes, I’m a tease!) is to differentiate between flirting and trying to chat someone up, or to seduce them.
For me flirting has always been a way of complimenting someone - you are essentially letting them know they are attractive, sexy, smart etc. and yet not trying to sweet talk them into bed. Some of the best ‘flirts’ I’ve seen have been happily married men or women (occasionally watched by a secure tolerant partner) - just making someone else feel good about themselves.
If an attractive person is letting you know that you too are an attractive, desirable and a ‘prize’ doesn’t that make you feel great? Of course it does. Just don’t confuse that with a ‘come on’. THAT is where things start going wrong sometimes. As in most things flirting is different for men and women:
Let’s say you’re a newly divorced man and your best friend’s beautiful wife tells you that you are looking gorgeous and that she’s jealous of the next girl you get together with. DO NOT automatically assume that she fancies you, wants to cheat on your friend (her husband) and have illicit sex with you on a regular basis. OK it is ‘possible’ but much more likely is that she’s a smart lady who knows how to boost a friends’ confidence and low self esteem with a good flirting technique. So many times, sadly, you have taken it all too literally and KAPOW! big problems.
Here’s a tip - if in doubt ask!
Men flirt differently. For a man his innocent flirting (if that’s what it is) is done purely to confirm that women still find him attractive. A fellow out for a meal with his girlfriend insists on giving the waitress his ‘full on’ charisma zap. He simply wants the waitress to respond with a smile. He can then go back to chatting with his partner happy in the knowledge that, “If I was single I could have that waitress”. His partner looks on with an amused nonchalance.
So! In neither of these cases has anything untoward happened - nor was it intended. Where problems start is when the man being innocently flirted with thinks it’s the real deal or, in the second example, the female partner feels threatened by her man making eyes at another woman. This isn’t to say that all flirting is innocent - that it’s an actual invitation to something more. But if that’s the case it’s no longer flirting - get me?
Flirting, in it’s real sense, does not end up in the bedroom! It’s a fine technique which, when used well, makes everyone feel great. Problems start when it’s misunderstood and misinterpreted.
It all boils down to having confidence in your relationship I suppose. For a man or woman to say to their partner, “I love you and will never stray but, being a bit of a flirt, I do need to know that other people find me attractive so I’ll flirt every now and then”.
Wouldn’t it be great if we were all in stable, happy relationships where neither of us felt threatened by an innocent bit of flirting?
It will never be the case of course - c’est la vie!
By the way YOU are looking FANTASTIC!
That best flirt tip? Hey, you’ve enough to think about for now….
Maybe next time…..
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